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乔伊斯的故事-第10部分
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writing was still dangling in the wind。
I transferred to a wooden door with black painting; this courtyard shaded in some tall buildings around; I walked up the ten stairs from the blue squares brick place which was moistened by the drops of water from the faucet; through the corridor filled with broken tires and wood; pulled out the chains; twist the key gently; hanged the chains in the door and open my door。
Entered the cluttered room; and putted a few of short…sleeved summer clothing in a black canvas stuffed bag; and exited decidedly。 Because the bedding goods and books were removed by the motorized tricycle home in the last few days; the ground covered with the papers; deflated toothpaste; and this room likes a place after the graduation celebrating。
“Hi; Joyce; which university will enroll you in?” asked by the proprietress who next to the stairs and washed bed sheets; when I walk down the stairway。
“I don’t know; maybe no one。” I h*e some chagrin of that university which I entered myself for the examination; it’s too late to feel hopeless chance for an admission latter; I began to hate that university with an unsettled state of mind。
Many people lost their confidence of their f*orite university; and the annual admission marks always changed; it could be said that maybe our study time was wasted in an unknowing situation; I guessed at random。
I walked along the Jie Fang road; under the acacia trees I walked to the bus station; the video store was playing a song which called “My good mood” when I had a bad mood; the lyrics followed me closely when I escaped to the store; and then lost when I turned to left from the end of this road; I passed by the intersection of my road and my life。 How can I tell my father about the belated notice? I couldn’t watch his pair eyes full of anxious waiting。
The houses of Water Conservancy Bureau were leased to the students of Sui country high school; our school use the closed management; but not suit to the lodging。 If you wanted to find a quiet place for you self…study at night; you just need pay 20 Yuan per month for rent; included the water fee and electricity fee。
Those building opposited to our school gate; many people in this street between the building and gate are students; except of the peddler and pedicab driver; those seventeen or eighteen…year…old high school students who rushed into the campus with stars and left out of the campus with stars。
I pushed a door open into an alley in one morning which I always remember; a group of girls behind me; one of them came up with me; she walk with me in the morning of the late autumn; she turned and accosted to me with silence; we all want to talk together but no one said some words finally。
Poetry
At the fall of 2004; one of the countless difficulties was the moment which transition from the high school life to the university life; I h*e finished it eventually。 I straightened my waist in the department office and read some poems in teacher’s puter; that moment I liked holding a secret dossiers; I always remembered what poem I read was about some plum flowers from my senior apprentice’s hometown; those flowers like patches of snow。
Those poems were short and mixed with a few lines words which similar to what I h*e written to my clas*ate (an honest country boy) in high school; these delicate poetries were about our luscious friendships。 And derived from my senior apprentice’s writing experience; I found some forum of poems munication; and muned with the young and older writer; I found more and more place to learn and talked my writing gain; step by step; and I dived in the poetry ocean。
This unknown secret has been hidden in most intimate place of my heart; my clas*ates still indifferent in the classroom every day; but I h*e changed with the poem; I was not the one who always stayed in the corner of the classroom to see the blackboard and overhead projector; I didn’t mind of the handwriting on the white canvas; this time I h*e not been the one before in the classroom; I h*e changed into a one who h*e more thought about the life in a poetry view; and h*e found my interesting in my daily life。
In several across…moments I began to write some poem when I remembered my story again; I begin to write my hometown; some memories when I saw mountain people carving stones and making some jingling sounds in evening; in the half way up the mountain。 I wrote about a group of cemeteries and some haunted voices from the far night of a mountain; I began to write in the classroom which was occupied by those trancelike students; I led my thoughts running。
Mr。 Cheng has praised a senior clas*ate with a passion words in my first Teaching of Writing class; it was a same class at last year; and my senior clas*ate has holding a collection of poems to Mr。 Cheng; and he got a very high academic credit。 That should be the first class; the poet has finished his Teaching of Writing class in the course of this event when he walked from the desk to the podium; and he walked throughout this semester with his book in few minutes。
This event opened a new shortcut for passing the exam inadvertently; and this new*aker became a school…sponsored poetry magazine editor undoubtedly。 In the first university class we talked about Mr。 Cheng’s opinion ardently and this event made me to remember what I h*e experienced in the past years; I also met some people like him and I call them singer or hymns people。
I thought the school singers also like the choir in the ivory tower。 I show him my poems; he suggested to post in a poem forum。 And I found lots of people wele me to their poem writing group。 They were so warm…hearted to encourage me; and began to write poems out of hand。
I h*e not published anything in the school magazine; my poetry writing movement surfaced in an essay petition which was organized by the Chinese Department; in its award…winning exhibition after the petition I win with my poems which called “the Spring of Southern Yunnan”; and I got a book as an award。
My university was called aristocratic and little students like literature; they always disdain the poet without reason; and I picked up a danger in their mind in this moment of the poems devaluation in China。 Dangerous warning from the mouth of the old man; when I sleep in class and was called awake by my friend (Zhu Xiaoliang); he said: “our teacher talked about you。” Then I heard the words what shock me: “Do not write poetry; I think poetry make people crazy; especially the things what you recently wrote; I do not understand at all。”
And those words make my clas*ate laugh at me with an official reason; they cannot laughed at me before because they are weak in their thought; and now they can laughed at me by getting help from my teacher finally; although they just garbled some words from my teacher。 I know the example what he cited; such as a Chinese poet Gu Cheng who suicide in his young ages。 。 想看书来
Books
In the last day of March; there was no wind; no water sound; I was single sitting on the chair and facing with the books which were borrowed from the library; it was a long overdue but I really didn’t read some pages; Schopenhauer; Wittgenstein; I began to interested in them; although my friends always advised me to read useful books。
Quarters empty; blankets and sheets sleep quietly; books row and wait me to read; the only sounds are issued from the keyboard; I would probably to make a month’s reading program; and I should read those new books。 In March; the spring was an arrival; it was overwhelming and from each place; I probably h*e to sweep the sad feelings to a good one; or not to read the ideological monographs; to read more literature and some beautiful poems。
The winter of Handan city was a reminder for our stranger; in ; 2007 of lunar calendar; I clearly remembered this day; I was chatting and waiting for my printing in Handan railway station; I waited the car which came from another city; I wished the car would e on time; if not; I would never saw my book in this year。 In the last few days of 2007; I was working on my book far from my home; it was near to Chinese New Year; nobody worked in their offices; but I worked in a city for my book and my dream; it was a very big event for me in 2007 to publish a book。
Near to the moment from the train ticket; I felt the taste of battle; if my book cannot be timely delivered before the train started; I thought it would make me to feel sad。 Whether will I lost this battle in 2007?
I will win surely。
Standing on the railway station; in this bustling place; I said to myself that I h*e finished。 Sunny; blue sky; floating clouds; I was warm with those friends help and on the way back home。
“Your dream nearby; has been with you face to face。” (Holderlin)
There was a shimmer which has been exposed at the entrance of literature; which was pulling a prophecy of the dawn; since the train head to Zhengzhou station from Handan station; I clearly felt the sun shines on the way。
“Like firecrackers in the earth”; in this cultivate increasing returns。
Because this book; I got a chance to work in the frontier literature magazine editing office; when I put the book to send; I know that I went into the temple of literature。
It’s like a stream flows tortuous and met a big river at last。 。。
附记
这段时间我在看着几本关于人力资源开发的理论著作。
乔伊斯写《青年艺术家的画像》,他发觉了生活事件里的人的精神,是什么促使他那么有信心的要写他的精神,我在翻阅萨拉提博士借给我的关于人力资源开发的书籍时候在潜意识里思索,这个我学了两年的专业课程现在变成了我思考问题的一个惯性,在人力发展方面乔伊斯一定是找到了理论根据才那么勇敢的想要拯救人的精神。
这使我想起时常把笔当匕首的作家鲁迅,这个拯救了中国精神的人在我的阅读时光里,也在那些文字的后花园里畅游。
著文的时候,一定是内心的积蓄在发酵了,我在春武里回忆我的写作时光,我关乎写作的经验伴随着我的发展,它作为一条直接而有力的途径在我的心智发展历程里彰显,我写作时候在研究我自己、阅读我自己,并与书里的人物作对比。
我发现了过去的生活是我的一部阅读史,我应该在阅读中明白了我自己、在写作中表达了我自己。我的过去,即是我的发展史。用专业的眼光来说的话。
但我还没有真正的开始,就像乔伊斯还没有开始写《尤利西斯》。我才开始写自己的“年轻画像”。
我花了十八年学习,现在我开始认识我自己,用一种文学的意识。在人力方面如果对于我的青年时期做一篇研究论文,我想就是这篇,一部青春阅读写作记,一个青年作家的画像。
Conclusion
Then I read some books about Human Resource Development; I want to find some information about me in the theory。 Joyce began to write “a portrait of the artist as a young man”; he found the human spirit in people’s life event; what prompted him to write and give him confidence for his spirit; and I want read books to find them。 I h*e studied one and a half years; and I think about the questions from those HRD theories; it’s a habit for my thinking。
So I know that Joyce must h*e found a theoretical basis to be so br*e to s*e the human spirit。 This often reminds me to remember the Lu Xun; a writer who used a pen to write as dagger。 The writing must be the s*ing and fermentation of feeling a
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