new moon(暮光之城-新月英文版)-第44部分

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black　and　became　a　quiet；　
even　whoosh　that　sounded　like　it　was　ing　from　the　inside　of　my　ears　
〃Bella？〃　Jacob　asked；　his　voice　still　tense；　but　not　as　wild　as　before。　
〃Bells；　honey；　can　you　hear　me？〃　
The　contents　of　my　head　swished　and　rolled　sickeningly；　like　they'd　joined　the　
rough　water　
〃How　long　has　she　been　unconscious？〃　someone　else　asked。　
The　voice　that　was　not　Jacob's　shocked　me；　jarred　me　into　a　more　focused　
awareness。　
I　realized　that　I　was　still。　There　was　no　tug　of　the　current　on　me—the　
heaving　was　inside　my　head。　The　
surface　under　me　was　flat　and　motionless。　It　felt　grainy　against　my　bare　arms。　
〃I　don't　know；〃　Jacob　reported；　still　frantic。　His　voice　was　very　close。　Hands
—so　warm　they　had　to　be　
his—brushed　wet　hair　from　my　cheeks。　〃A　few　minutes？　It　didn't　take　long　to　
tow　her　to　the　beach。〃　
The　quiet　whooshing　inside　my　ears　was　not　the　waves—it　was　the　air　moving　in　
and　out　of　my　lungs　
again。　Each　breath　burned—the　passageways　were　as　raw　as　if　I'd　scrubbed　them　
out　with　steel　wool。　
But　I　was　breathing。　
And　I　was　freezing。　A　thousand　sharp；　icy　beads　were　striking　my　face　and　
arms；　making　the　cold　worse。　
〃She's　breathing。　She'll　e　around。　We　should　get　her　out　of　the　cold；　
though。　I　don't　like　the　color　
she's　turning〃　I　recognized　Sam's　voice　this　time。　
〃You　think　it's　okay　to　move　her？〃　
〃She　didn't　hurt　her　back　or　anything　when　she　fell？〃　
〃I　don't　know。〃　
They　hesitated。　
I　tried　to　open　my　eyes。　It　took　me　a　minute；　but　then　I　could　see　the　dark；　
purple　clouds；　flinging　the　
freezing　rain　down　at　me。　〃Jake？〃　I　croaked。　
Jacob's　face　blocked　out　the　sky。　〃Oh！〃　he　gasped；　relief　washing　over　his　
features。　His　eyes　were　wet　
from　the　rain。　〃Oh；　Bella！　Are　you　okay？　Can　you　hear　me？　Do　you　hurt　
anywhere？〃　
〃J…Just　m…my　throat；〃　I　stuttered；　my　lips　quivering　from　the　cold。　
〃Let's　get　you　out　of　here；　then；〃　Jacob　said。　He　slid　his　arms　under　me　and　
lifted　me　without　effort—like　
picking　up　an　empty　box。　His　chest　was　bare　and　warm；　he　hunched　his　shoulders　
to　keep　the　rain　off　of　
me。　My　head　lolled　over　his　arm。　I　stared　vacantly　back　toward　the　furious　
water；　beating　the　sand　
behindhim。　
〃You　got　her？〃　I　heard　Sam　ask。　
〃Yeah；　I'll　take　it　from　here。　Get　back　to　the　hospital。　I'll　join　you　later。　
Thanks；　Sam。〃　
My　head　was　still　rolling。　None　of　his　words　sunk　in　at　first。　Sam　didn't　
answer。　There　was　no　sound；　and　
I　wondered　if　he　were　already　gone。　
The　water　licked　and　writhed　up　the　sand　after　us　as　Jacob　carried　me　away；　
like　it　was　angry　that　I'd　
escaped。　As　I　stared　wearily；　a　spark　of　color　caught　my　unfocused　eyes—a　
small　flash　of　fire　was　
dancing　on　the　black　water；　far　out　in　the　bay。　The　image　made　no　sense；　and　I　
wondered　how　conscious　
I　really　was。　My　head　swirled　with　the　memory　of　the　black；　churning　water—of　
being　so　lost　that　I　
couldn't　find　up　or　down。　So　lost　but　somehow　Jacob　
〃How　did　you　find　me？〃　I　rasped。　
〃I　was　searching　for　you；〃　he　told　me。　He　was　half…jogging　through　the　rain；　
up　the　beach　toward　the　
road。　〃I　followed　the　tire　tracks　to　your　truck；　and　then　I　heard　you　scream
〃　He　shuddered。　〃Why　
would　you　jump；　Bella？　Didn't　you　notice　that　it's　turning　into　a　hurricane　
out　here？　Couldn't　you　have　
waited　for　me？〃　Anger　filled　his　tone　as　the　relief　faded。　
〃Sorry；〃　I　muttered。　〃It　was　stupid。〃　
〃Yeah；　it　was　really　stupid；〃　he　agreed；　drops　of　rain　shaking　free　of　his　
hair　as　he　nodded。　〃Look；　do　
you　mind　saving　the　stupid　stuff　for　when　I'm　around？　I　won't　be　able　to　
concentrate　if　I　think　you're　
jumping　off　cliffs　behind　my　back。〃　
〃Sure；〃　I　agreed。　〃No　problem。〃　I　sounded　like　a　chain…smoker。　I　tried　to　
clear　my　throat—and　then　
winced；　the　throat…clearing　felt　like　stabbing　a　knife　down　there。　〃What　
happened　today？　Did　you　find　
her？〃　It　was　my　turn　to　shudder；　though　I　wasn't　so　cold　here；　right　next　to　
his　ridiculous　body　heat。　
Jacob　shook　his　head。　He　was　still　more　running　than　walking　as　he　headed　up　
the　road　to　his　house。　
〃No。　She　took　off　into　the　water—the　bloodsuckers　have　the　advantage　there。　
That's　why　I　raced　
home—I　was　afraid　she　was　going　to　double　back　swimming。　You　spend　so　much　
time　on　the　beach〃　
He　trailed　off；　a　catch　in　his　throat。　
〃Sam　came　back　with　you　is　everyone　else　home；　too？〃　I　hoped　they　weren't　
still　out　searching　for　her。　
〃Yeah。　Sort　of。〃　
I　tried　to　read　his　expression；　squinting　into　the　hammering　rain。　His　eyes　
were　tight　with　worry　or　pain。　
The　words　that　hadn't　made　sense　before　suddenly　did。　〃You　said　hospital。　
Before；　to　Sam。　Is　
someone　hurt？　Did　she　fight　you？〃　My　voice　jumped　up　an　octave；　sounding　
strange　with　the　hoarseness。　
〃No；　no。　When　we　got　back；　Em　was　waiting　with　the　news。　It's　Harry　
Clearwater。　Harry　had　a　heart　
attack　this　morning。〃　
〃Harry？〃　I　shook　my　head；　trying　to　absorb　what　he　was　staying。　〃Oh；　no！　Does　
Charlie　know？〃　
〃Yeah。　He's　over　there；　too；　with　my　dad。〃　
〃Is　Harry　going　to　be　okay？〃　
Jacob's　eyes　tightened　again。　〃It　doesn't　look　so　great　right　now。〃　
Abruptly；　I　felt　really　sick　with　guilt—felt　truly　horrible　about　the　
brainless　cliff　dive。　Nobody　needed　to　
be　worrying　about　me　right　now。　What　a　stupid　time　to　be　reckless。　
〃What　can　I　do？〃　I　asked。　
At　that　moment　the　rain　stopped。　I　hadn't　realized　we　were　already　back　to　
Jacob's　house　until　he　
walked　through　the　door。　The　storm　pounded　against　the　roof。　
〃You　can　stay　here；〃　Jacob　said　as　he　dumped　me　on　the　short　couch。　〃I　mean　it
—right　here　I'll　get　you　
some　dry　clothes。〃　
I　let　my　eyes　adjust　to　the　dark　room　while　Jacob　banged　around　in　his　
bedroom。　The　cramped　front　
room　seemed　so　empty　without　Billy；　almost　desolate。　It　was　strangely　ominous
—probably　just　because　
I　knew　where　he　was。　
Jacob　was　back　in　seconds。　He　threw　a　pile　of　gray　cotton　at　me。　〃These　will　
be　huge　on　you；　but　it's　the　
best　I've　got。　I'll；　er；　step　outside　so　you　can　change。〃　
〃Don't　go　anywhere。　I'm　too　tired　to　move　yet。　Just　stay　with　me。〃　
Jacob　sat　on　the　floor　next　to　me；　his　back　against　the　couch。　I　wondered　when　
he'd　slept　last。　He　
looked　as　exhausted　as　I　felt。　
He　leaned　his　head　on　the　cushion　next　to　mine　and　yawned。　〃Guess　I　could　rest　
for　a　minute〃　
His　eyes　closed。　I　let　mine　slide　shut；　too。　
Poor　Harry。　Poor　Sue。　I　knew　Charlie　was　going　to　be　beside　himself。　Harry　was　
one　of　his　best　friends。　
Despite　Jake's　negative　take　on　things；　I　hoped　fervently　that　Harry　would　
pull　through。　For　Charlie's　
sake。　For　Sue's　and　Leah's　and　Seth's　
Billy's　sofa　was　right　next　to　the　radiator；　and　I　was　warm　now；　despite　my　
soaked　clothes。　My　lungs　
ached　in　a　way　that　pushed　me　toward　unconsciousness　rather　than　keeping　me　
awake。　I　wondered　
vaguely　if　it　was　wrong　to　sleep　or　was　I　getting　drowning　mixed　up　with　
concussions　？　Jacob　
began　softly　snoring；　and　the　sound　of　it　soothed　like　a　lullaby。　I　fell　
asleep　quickly。　
For　the　first　time　in　a　very　long　time；　my　dream　was　just　a　normal　dream。　Just　
a　blurred　wandering　
through　old　memories—blinding　bright　visions　of　the　Phoenix　sun；　my　mother's　
face；　a　ramshackle　tree　
house；　a　faded　quilt；　a　wall　of　mirrors；　a　flame　on　the　black　water　I　forgot　
each　of　them　as　soon　as　the　
picture　changed。　
The　last　picture　was　the　only　one　that　stuck　in　my　head。　It　was　meaningless—
just　a　set　on　a　stage。　A　
balcony　at　night；　a　painted　moon　hanging　in　the　sky。　I　watched　the　girl　in　her　
nightdress　lean　on　the　railing　
and　talk　to　herself。　
Meaningless　but　when　I　slowly　struggled　back　to　consciousness；　Juliet　was　on　
my　mind。　
Jacob　was　still　asleep；　he'd　slumped　down　to　the　floor　and　his　breathing　was　
deep　and　even。　The　house　
was　darker　now　than　before；　it　was　black　outside　the　window。　I　was　stiff；　but　
warm　and　almost　dry。　The　
inside　of　my　throat　burned　with　every　breath　I　took。　
I　was　going　to　have　to　get　up—at　least　to　get　a　drink。　But　my　body　just　
wanted　tc　he　here　limp；　to　never　
move　again。　
Instead　of　moving；　I　thought　about　Juliet　some　more。　
I　wondered　what　she　would　have　done　if　Romeo　had　left　her；　not　because　he　was　
banished；　but　because　
he　lost　interests　What　if　Rosalind　had　given　him　the　time　of　day；　and　he'd　
changed　his　mind？　What　if；　
instead　of　marrying　Juliet；　he'd　just　disappeared？　
I　thought　I　knew　how　Juliet　would　feel。　
She　wouldn't　go　back　to　her　old　life；　not　really。　She　wouldn't　ever　have　moved　
on；　I　was　sure　of　that。　
Even　if　she'd　lived　until　she　was　old　and　gray；　every　time　she　closed　her　
eyes；　it　would　have　been　
Romeo's　face　she　saw　behind　her　lids。　She　would　have　accepted　that；　
eventually。　
I　wondered　if　she　would　have　married　Paris　in　the　end；　just　to　please　her　
parents；　to　keep　the　peace。　No；　
probably　not；　I　decided。　But　then；　the　story　didn't　say　much　about　Paris。　He　
was　just　a　stick　figure—a　
placeholder；　a　threat；　a　deadline　to　force　her　hand。　
What　if　there　were　more　to　Paris？　
What　if　Paris　had　been　Juliet's　friend？　Her　very　best　friend？　What　if　he　was　
the　only　one　she　could　
confide　in　about　the　whole　devastating　thing　with　Romeo？　The　one　person　who　
really　understood　her　and　
made　her　feel　halfway　human　again？　What　if　he　was　patient　and　kind？　What　if　he　
took　care　of　her？　What　
if　Juliet　knew　she　couldn't　survive　without　him？　What　if　he　really　loved　her；　
and　wanted　her　to　be　happy？　
And　what　if　she　loved　Paris？　Not　like　Romeo。　Nothing　like　that；　of　course。　
But　enough　that　she　
wanted　him　to　be　happy；　too？　
Jacob's　slow；　deep　breathing　was　the　only　sound　in　the　room—like　a　lullaby　
hummed　to　a　child；　like　the　
whisper　of　a　rocking　chair；　like　the　ticking　of　an　old　clock　when　you　had　
nowhere　you　needed　to　goIt　
was　the　sound　of　fort。　
If　Romeo　was　really　gone；　never　ing　back；　would　it　have　mattered　whether　or　
not　Juliet　had　taken　
Paris　up　on　his　offer？　Maybe　she　should　have　tried　to　settle　into　the　leftover　
scraps　of　life　that　were　left　
behind。　Maybe　that　would　have　been　as　close　to　happiness　as　she　could　get。　
I　sighed；　and　then　groaned　when　the　sigh　scraped　my　throat。　I　was　reading　too　
much　into　the　story。　
Romeo　wouldn't　change　his　mind。　That's　why　people　still　remembered　his　name；　
always　twined　with　hers：　
Romeo　and　Juliet。　That's　why　it　was　a　good　story。　〃Juliet　gets　dumped　and　ends　
up　with　Paris〃　would　
have　never　been　a　hit。　
I　closed　my　eyes　and　drifted　again；　letting　my　mind　wander　away　from　the　
stupid　play　I　didn't　want　to　
think　about　anymore。　I　thought　about　reality　instead—about　jumping　off　the　
cliff　and　what　a　brainless　
mistake　that　had　been。　And　not　just　the　cliff；　but　the　motorcycles　and　the　
whole　irresponsible　Evel　
Knievel　bit。　What　if　something　bad　happened　to　me？　What　would　that　do　to　
Charlie？　Harry's　heart　
attack　had　pushed　everything　suddenly　into　perspective　for　me。　Perspective　
that　I　didn't　want　to　see；　
because—if　I　admitted　to　the　truth　of　it—it　would　mean　that　I　would　have　to　
change　my　ways。　Could　I　
live　like　that？　
Maybe。　It　wouldn't　be　easy；　in　fact；　it　would　be　downright　miserable　to　give　
up　my　hallucinations　and　try　
to　be　a　grown…up。　But　maybe　I　should　do　it。　And　maybe　I　could。　If　I　had　Jacob。　
I　couldn't　make　that　deci