高行健文集-第12部分

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ame…coatedshallotpancakes；straightoffthestoveandpiping…hot。Thenatoneofthestalls；youcan’trememberwhichone；youeatabowlofsweetyuanxiaodumplingsbroiledinricewine：theyarethesizeoflargepearls。Ofcourse；you’renotasacademicaboutfoodasMrMatheSecondwhotouredWestLakebutyoudohaveaheftyappetite。Yousavourthisfoodofyourancestorsandlistentocustomerschattingwiththeproprietors。They’remostlylocalsandallknowoneanother。Youtryusingthemellifluouslocalaccenttobefriendly；youwanttobeoneofthem。You’velivedinthecityforalongtimeandneedtofeelthatyouhaveahometown。Youwantahometownsothatyou’llbeablereturntoyourchildhoodtorecollectlonglostmemories。

Onthissideofthebridgeyoueventuallyfindaninnonanoldcobblestonestreet。Thewoodenfloorshavebeenmoppedandit’scleanenough。Yougetasmallsingleroomwhichhasaplankbedwithabamboomatonit。Thecottonblanketisasuspiciousgrey；eitherithasn’tbeenwashedproperlyorthat’stheoriginalcolour。Youthrowasidethegreasypillowfromunderthebamboomatandluckilyit’shotsoyoucandowithoutthebedding。Whatyouneedrightnowistooff…loadyourluggagewhichhasbeequiteheavy；washoffthedustandsweat；strip；andstretchyourselfoutonthebed。There’sshoutingandyellingnextdoor。They’regamblingandyoucanhearthempickingupandthrowingdownthecards。Atimberpartitionseparatesyouand；throughtheholespokedintothepapercoveringthecracks；youmakeouttheblurredfiguresofsomebare…chestedmen。You’renotsotiredthatyoucandropofftosleepjustlikethat。Youtaponthewallandinstantlythere’sloudshoutingnextdoor。They’renotshoutingatyoubutamongstthemselves：therearealwayswinnersandlosersandtheloseristryingtogetoutofpaying。They’reopenlygamblingintheinndespitethePublicSecurityOfficenoticeonthewallprohibitinggamblingandprostitution：youdecidetocheckwhetherthelawhasanyeffect。Youputonsomeclothes；godownthecorridorandknockonthehalf…closeddoor。Yourknockingmakesnodifference；theykeepshoutingandyellinginsideandnobodytakesnotice。Soyoupushopenthedoorandgoin。Thefourmensittingaroundthebedinthemiddleoftheroomallturntolookatyou。Butit’syouandnottheywhogetsarudeshock。Themenallhavebitsofpaperstuckontheirfaces；ontheforehead；lips；noseandcheeks；andtheylookuglyandridiculous。Theyaren’tlaughingandareglaringatyou。You’vebuttedinandthey’reclearlyannoyed。

〃Oh；you’replayingcards；〃yousay；puttingonanapologeticlook。

Theygoonwiththeirgame。Thelongpapercardshaveredandblackmarkingslikemahjong；there’saGateofHeavenandaPrisonofHell。Thewinnerpenalizestheloserbytearingoffastripofnewspaperandstickingitonadesignatedspot。Whetherthisisaprank；awayoflettingoffsteam；oratally；isagreeduponbythegamblersandthereisnowayforoutsiderstoknowwhatit’sallabout。

Youbeataretreat；gobacktoyourroom；liedownagain；andseeathickmassofblackspecksaroundthelightglobe。Millionsofmosquitoesarewaitingforthelighttogooutsothattheycanedowntofeastonyourblood。Youquicklyletdownthemosquitoandareenclosedinanarrowconicalspace；atthetopofwhichisabamboohoop。It’sbeenalongtimesinceyou’vesleptunderahooplikethis；andyou’velongsincepassedtheageofbeingabletostareatthehooptoloseyourselfinreverie。Today；youcan’tknowwhattraumastomorrowwillbring。You’velearntthroughexperienceeverythingyouneedtoknow。Whatelseareyoulookingfor？Whenamangetstomiddleageshouldn’thebelookingforapeacefulandstableexistence；findanot…too…demandingsortofajob；stayinamediocreposition；beeahusbandandafather；setupafortablehome；putmoneyinthebankandaddtoiteverymonthsothere’llbesomethingforoldageandalittleleftoverforthenextgeneration？

ChapterTwo

ItisintheQiangregionhalfwayupQionglaiMountain；intheborderareasoftheQinghai…TibetanhighlandsandtheSichuanbasin；thatIwitnessavestigeofearlyhumancivilization；theworshipoffire。Fire；thebringerofcivilization；hasbeenworshippedbytheearlyancestorsofhumansbeingseverywhere。Itissacred。Heissittinginfrontofthefiredrinkingliquorfromabowl。Beforeeachsipheputsafingerintoitandflickssomeonthecharcoalswhichsplutternoisilyandsendoutbluesparks。ItisonlythenthatIperceivethatItooamreal。

〃That’sfortheGodoftheCookingStove；it’sthankstohimthatwecaneatanddrink；〃hesays。

Thedancinglightofthefireshinesonhisthincheeks；thehighbridgeofhisnose；andhischeekbones。HetellsmeheisoftheQiangnationalityandthathe’sfromGengdavillagedownthemountain。Ican’taskstraightoutaboutdemonsandspirits；soItellhimI’mheretodosomeresearchonthefolk…songsofthemountain。Dotraditionalsongmastersanddancersstillexisthere？Hesayshe’soneofthem。Themenandwomenallusedtoformacirclearoundthefireanddancerightthroughtodaybreak；butlateronitwasbanned。

〃Why？〃IknowquitewellbutIask。I’mbeingdishonestagain。

〃ItwastheCulturalRevolution。TheysaidthesongsweredirtysowechangedtosingingSayingsofMaoZedongsongsinstead。〃

〃Andwhataboutafterthat？〃Ipersistinasking。Thisisbeingahabit。

〃No…onesingsthoseanymore。Peoplearedoingthedancesagainbutnotmanyoftheyoungpeoplecandothem；I’mteachingthedancestosomeofthem。〃

Iaskhimforademonstration。Withouthesitation；heinstantlygetstohisfeetandproceedstodanceandsing。Hisvoiceislowandrich；he’sgotagoodvoice。I’msurehe’sQiangevenifthepoliceinchargeofthepopulationregisterinsistthatheisn’t。TheythinkanyoneclaimingtobeTibetanorQiangistryingtoevadebirthrestrictionsandhavemorechildren。

Hesingssongaftersong。Hesayshe’safun…lovingperson；Ibelievehim。Whenhefinishedupasvillagehead；hewentbacktobeingoneofthemountainpeople；anoldmountainmanwholikesgoodfun；unfortunatelyheispasttheageforromance。

Healsoknowsincantations；thekindhuntersusewhentheygointothemountains。Theyarecalledmountainblack…magicorhexesandhehasnoqualmsaboutusingthem。Hereallybelievestheycandrivewildanimalsintopitsorgetthemtostepintosnares。Theyaren’tusedonlyonanimals；they’realsousedagainstotherhumansbeingsforrevenge。Avictimofmountainblack…magicwon’tbeabletofindhiswayoutofthemountains。Theyarelikethe〃demonwalls〃Iheardaboutasachild：whensomeonehasbeentravellingforsometimeatnightinthemountains；awall；aclifforadeepriverappearsrightinfrontofhim；sothathecan’tgoanyfurther。Ifthespellisn’tbrokentheperson’sfeetdon’tmoveforwardandevenifhekeepswalking；hestaysexactlywherehestartedoff。Onlyatdaybreakdoeshediscoverthathehasbeengoingaroundincircles。That’snotsobad；theworstiswhenapersonisledintoablind…alley：thatmeansdeath。

Heintonesstringsofincantations。It’snotslowandrelaxedlikewhenheissinging；butjustnan…nan…na…natoaquickbeat。Ican’tunderstanditatallbutIcanfeelthemysticalpullofthewords；ademonicawesomeatmosphereinstantlypermeatestheroom；theinsideofwhichisblackfromsmoke。Theglowoftheflameslickingtheironpotofmuttonstewmakehiseyesglint。Thisisallstarklyreal。

WhileyousearchfortheroutetoLingshan；IwanderalongtheYangtzeRiverlookingforthissortofreality。Ihadjustgohroughacrisisandthen；ontopofthat；adoctorwronglydiagnosedmewithlungcancer。DeathwasplayingajokeonmebutnowthatI’veescapedthedemonwall；Iamsecretlyrejoicing。Lifeformeonceagainhasawonderfulfreshness。Ishouldhaveleftthosecontaminatedsurroundingslongagoandreturnedtonaturetolookforthisauthenticlife。

InthosecontaminatedsurroundingsIwastaughtthatlifewasthesourceofliterature；thatliteraturehadtobefaithfultolife；faithfultoreallife。MymistakewasthatIhadalienatedmyselffromlifeandendedupturningmybackonreallife。However；reallifeisnotthesameasmanifestationsoflife。Reallife；orinotherwordsthebasicsubstanceoflife；shouldbetheformerandnotthelatter。IhadgoneagainstreallifebecauseIwassimplystringingtogetherlife’smanifestations；soofcourseIwasn’tabletoaccuratelyportraylifeandintheendonlysucceededindistortingreality。

Idon’tknowwhetherI’mnowontherighttrackbutinanycaseI’veextricatedmyselffromthebustlingliteraryworldandalsoescapedfrommysmoke…filledroom。Thebookspiledeverywhereinthatroomwereoppressiveandstifling。Theyexpoundedallsortsoftruths；historicaltruthstotruthsonhowtobehuman。Icouldn’tseethepointofsomanytruthsbutstillgotenmeshedintheofthosetruthsandwasstrugglinghopelessly；likeaninsectcaughtinaspider’sweb。Fortunately；thedoctorwhogavethewrongdiagnosissavedmylife。HewasquitefrankandgotmetoparethetwochestX…raystakenontwoseparateoccasions：ablurryshadowontheleftlobeofthelunghadspreadalongthesecondribtothewallofthewindpipe。Itwouldn’thelpeventohavethewholeoftheleftloberemoved。Theoutewasobvious。Myfatherhaddiedoflungcancer。Hediedwithinthreemonthsofitbeingdiscoveredanditwasthisdoctorwhohadcorrectlydiagnosedit。Ihadfaithinhismedicalexpertiseandhehadfaithinscience。ThechestX…raystakenattwodifferenthospitalswereidentical；therewasnopossibilityofatechnicalmistake。HealsowroteanauthorizationforasectionalX…ray；theappointmentwasinhalfamonth’stime。Thiswasnothingtogetworriedabout；itwasjusttodetermiheextentofthetumour。Myfatherhadthisdonebeforehedied。TheoutewouldbethesamewhetherornotIhadtheX…ray；itwasnothingspecial。ThatIinfactwouldslipthroughthefingersofDeathcanonlybeputdowntogoodluck。IbelieveinsciencebutIalsobelieveinfate。

Ioncesawafour…inchlengthofwoodwhichhadbeencollectedintheQiangregionbyananthropologistduringthe1930s。Itwasacarvedstatueofapersondoingahandstand。Theheadhadinkmarkingsfortheeyes；noseandmouth；andtheword〃longevity〃waswrittenonthebody。Itwascalled〃WuchangUpsideDown〃andtherewassomethingoddlymischievousaboutit。Iasktheretiredvillageheadwhethersuchtalismansarestillaround。Hetellsmethesearecalled〃oldroot〃。Thiswoodenidolhastoacpanythenewbornfrombirthtodeath。Atdeathitacpaniesthecorpsefromthehouseandaftertheburialitisplacedinthewildernesstoallowthespirittoreturntonature。IaskhimifhecangetmeonesothatIcancarryitonme。Helaughsandsaysthesearewhathunterstuckintotheirshirtstowardoffevilspirits；theywouldn’tbeofanyusetosomeonelikeme。

〃Isthereanoldhunterwhoknowsaboutthissortofmagicandcantakemehuntingwithhim？〃Iask。

〃GrandpaStonewouldbethebest；〃hesaysafterthinkingaboutit。

〃HowcanIfindhim？〃Iaskrightaway。

〃He’sinGrandpaStone’sHut。〃

〃Where’sthisGrandpaStone’sHut。〃

〃GoanothertwentyliontoSilverMineGullythenfollowthecreekrightuptotheend。Thereyou’llfindastonehut。〃

〃IsthatthenameoftheplaceordoyoumeanthehutofGrandpaStone？〃

Hesaysit’sthenameoftheplace；thatthere’sinfactastonehut；andthatGrandpaStonelivesthere。

〃Canyoutakemetohim？〃Igoontoask。

〃He’sdead。Helaydownonhisbedanddiedinhissleep。Hewastooold；helivedtowelloverniy；someevensaywelloverahundred。Inanycase；nobody’ssureabouthisage。〃

〃Areanyofhisdescendantsstillalive？〃Ican’thelpasking。

〃Inmygrandfather’sgenerationandforaslongasIcanremember；hewasalwaysonhisown。〃

〃Withoutawife？〃

〃HelivedonhisowninSilverMineGully。Helivedhighupthegully；inthesolitaryhut；alone。Oh；andthatrifleofhisisstillhangingonthewallofthehut。〃

Iaskhimwhathe’stryingtotellme。

HesaysGrandpaStonewasafantastichunter；ahunterwhowasanexpertinthemagicalarts。Therearenohunterslikethatnowadays。Everyoneknowsthathisrifleishanginginthehut；thatitnevermissesthetarget；butnobodydarestogoandtakeit。

〃Why？〃I’mevenmorepuzzled。

〃TherouteintoSilverMineGullyiscut。〃

〃There’snowaythrough？〃

〃Notanymore。Earlieronpeopleusedtominesilverthere；afirmfromChengduhiredateamofworkersandtheybeganmining。Lateron；aftertheminewaslooted；everyonejustleft。Theplankroadstheylaideitherbrokeuporrotted。〃

〃Whendidallthishappen。〃

〃Whenmygrandfatherwasstillalive；morethanfiftyyearsago。〃

Thatwouldbeaboutright；afterallhe’salreadyretiredandhasbeehistory；realhistory。

〃Sosincethennobody’severgohere？〃Ibeeevenmoreintrigued。

〃Hardtosay；anywayit’shardtogetthere。〃

〃Andthehuthasrotted？〃

〃Stonecollapses；howcanitrot？〃

〃Iwastalkingabouttheridgepole。〃

〃Oh；quiteright。〃

Hedoesn’twanttotakemethere；nordoeshewanttofindahunterforme；sohe’sleadingmeonlikethis；Ithink。