3 eclipse月食-第63部分

快捷操作: 按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页 按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页 按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部! 如果本书没有阅读完，想下次继续接着阅读，可使用上方 "收藏到我的浏览器" 功能 和 "加入书签" 功能！

“Jake；　wait　—”　I　reached　after　him；　my　hand　sliding　down　his　arm。　
He　jerked　his　arm　away　before　my　fingers　could　find　purchase。　
“Please；　Jake？　Won’t　you　stay？”　
“No。”　
The　word　was　hard　and　cold。　I　knew　my　face　gave　away　my　pain；　because　he　exhaled　and　half　a　smile　
softened　his　expression。　
“Don’t　worry　about　me；　Bells。　I’ll　be　fine；　just　like　I　always　am。”　He　forced　a　laugh。　“’Sides；　you　think　I’m　
going　to　let　Seth　go　in　my　place　—　have　all　the　fun　and　steal　all　the　glory？　Right。”　He　snorted。　
“Be　careful　—”　
He　shoved　out　of　the　tent　before　I　could　finish。　
“Give　it　a　rest；　Bella；”　I　heard　him　mutter　as　he　rezipped　the　door。　
I　listened　for　the　sound　of　his　retreating　footsteps；　but　it　was　perfectly　still。　No　more　wind。　I　could　hear　
morning　birdsong　far　away　on　the　mountain；　and　nothing　else。　Jacob　moved　in　silence　now。　
I　huddled　in　my　coats；　and　leaned　against　Edward’s　shoulder。　We　were　quiet　for　a　long　time。　
“How　much　longer？”　I　asked。　
“Alice　told　Sam　it　should　be　an　hour　or　so；”　Edward　said；　soft　and　bleak。　
“We　stay　together。　No　matter　what。”　
“No　matter　what；”　he　agreed；　his　eyes　tight。　
“I　know；”　I　said。　“I’m　terrified　for　them；　too。”　
“They　know　how　to　handle　themselves；”　Edward　assured　me；　purposely　making　his　voice　light。　“I　just　hate　
missing　the　fun。”　
Again　with　the　fun。　My　nostrils　flared。　
He　put　his　arm　around　my　shoulder。　“Don’t　worry；”　he　urged；　and　then　he　kissed　my　forehead。　
As　if　there　was　any　way　to　avoid　that。　“Sure；　sure。”　
“Do　you　want　me　to　distract　you？”　He　breathed；　running　his　cold　fingers　along　my　cheekbone。　
I　shivered　involuntarily；　the　morning　was　still　frosty。　
“Maybe　not　right　now；”　he　answered　himself；　pulling　his　hand　away。　
“There　are　other　ways　to　distract　me。”　
“What　would　you　like？”　
“You　could　tell　me　about　your　ten　best　nights；”　I　suggested。　“I’m　curious。”　
He　laughed。　“Try　to　guess。”　
I　shook　my　head。　“There’re　too　many　nights　I　don’t　know　about。　A　century　of　them。”　
“I’ll　narrow　it　down　for　you。　All　of　my　best　nights　have　happened　since　I　met　you。”　
“Really？”　

“Yes；　really　—　and　by　quite　a　wide　margin；　too。”　
I　thought　for　a　minute。　“I　can　only　think　of　mine；”　I　admitted。　
“They　might　be　the　same；”　he　encouraged。　
“Well；　there　was　the　first　night。　The　night　you　stayed。”　
“Yes；　that’s　one　of　mine；　too。　Of　course；　you　were　unconscious　for　my　favorite　part。”　
“That’s　right；”　I　remembered。　“I　was　talking　that　night；　too。”　
“Yes；”　he　agreed。　
My　face　got　hot　as　I　wondered　again　what　I　might　have　said　while　sleeping　in　Jacob’s　arms。　I　couldn’t　
remember　what　I’d　dreamed　about；　or　if　I’d　dreamed　at　all；　so　that　was　no　help。　
“What　did　I　say　last　night？”　I　whispered　more　quietly　than　before。　
He　shrugged　instead　of　answering；　and　I　winced。　
“That　bad？”　
“Nothing　too　horrible；”　he　sighed。　
“Please　tell　me。”　
“Mostly　you　said　my　name；　the　same　as　usual。”　
“That’s　not　bad；”　I　agreed　cautiously。　
“Near　the　end；　though；　you　started　mumbling　some　nonsense　about　‘Jacob；　my　Jacob。’”　I　could　hear　the　
pain；　even　in　the　whisper。　“Your　Jacob　enjoyed　that　quite　a　lot。”　
I　stretched　my　neck　up；　straining　to　reach　my　lips　to　the　edge　of　his　jaw。　I　couldn’t　see　into　his　eyes。　He　
was　staring　up　at　the　ceiling　of　the　tent。　
“Sorry；”　I　murmured。　“That’s　just　the　way　I　differentiate。”　
“Differentiate？”　
“Between　Dr。　Jekyll　and　Mr。　Hyde。　Between　the　Jacob　I　like　and　the　one　who　annoys　the　hell　out　of　me；”　
I　explained。　
“That　makes　sense。”　He　sounded　slightly　mollified。　“Tell　me　another　favorite　night。”　
“Flying　home　from　Italy。”　
He　frowned。　
“Is　that　not　one　of　yours？”　I　wondered。　
“No；　it　is　one　of　mine；　actually；　but　I’m　surprised　it’s　on　your　list。　Weren’t　you　under　the　ludicrous　
impression　I　was　just　acting　from　a　guilty　conscience；　and　I　was　going　to　bolt　as　soon　as　the　plane　doors　
opened？”　
“Yes。”　I　smiled。　“But；　still；　you　were　there。”　
He　kissed　my　hair。　“You　love　me　more　than　I　deserve。”　
I　laughed　at　the　impossibility　of　that　idea。　“Next　would　be　the　night　after　Italy；”　I　continued。　
“Yes；　that’s　on　the　list。　You　were　so　funny。”　
“Funny？”　I　objected。　
“I　had　no　idea　your　dreams　were　so　vivid。　It　took　me　forever　to　convince　you　that　you　were　awake。”　
“I’m　still　not　sure；”　I　muttered。　“You’ve　always　seemed　more　like　a　dream　than　reality。　Tell　me　one　of　
yours；　now。　Did　I　guess　your　first　place？”　
“No　—　that　would　be　two　nights　ago；　when　you　finally　agreed　to　marry　me。”　
I　made　a　face。　
“That　doesn’t　make　your　list？”　
I　thought　about　the　way　he’d　kissed　me；　the　concession　I’d　gained；　and　changed　my　mind。　“Yes　。　。　。　it　
does。　But　with　reservations。　I　don’t　understand　why　it’s　so　important　to　you。　You　already　had　me　forever。”　
“A　hundred　years　from　now；　when　you’ve　gained　enough　perspective　to　really　appreciate　the　answer；　I　
will　explain　it　to　you。”　
“I’ll　remind　you　to　explain　—　in　a　hundred　years。”　
“Are　you　warm　enough？”　he　asked　suddenly。　
“I’m　fine；”　I　assured　him。　“Why？”　
Before　he　could　answer；　the　silence　outside　the　tent　was　ripped　apart　by　an　earsplitting　howl　of　pain。　The　
sound　ricocheted　off　the　bare　rock　face　of　the　mountain　and　filled　the　air　so　that　it　seared　from　every　direction。　
The　howl　tore　through　my　mind　like　a　tornado；　both　strange　and　familiar。　Strange　because　I’d　never　heard　

such　a　tortured　cry　before。　Familiar　because　I　knew　the　voice　at　once　—　I　recognized　the　sound　and　
understood　the　meaning　as　perfectly　as　if　I’d　uttered　it　myself。　It　made　no　difference　that　Jacob　was　not　human　
when　he　cried　out。　I　needed　no　translation。　
Jacob　was　close。　Jacob　had　heard　every　word　we’d　said。　Jacob　was　in　agony。　
The　howl　choked　off　into　a　peculiar　gurgled　sob；　and　then　it　was　quiet　again。　
I　did　not　hear　his　silent　escape；　but　I　could　feel　it　—　I　could　feel　the　absence　I　had　wrongly　assumed　
before；　the　empty　space　he　left　behind。　
“Because　your　space　heater　has　reached　his　limit；”　Edward　answered　quietly。　“Truce　over；”　he　added；　so　
low　I　couldn’t　be　sure　that　was　really　what　he’d　said。　
“Jacob　was　listening；”　I　whispered。　It　wasn’t　a　question。　
“Yes。”　
“You　knew。”　
“Yes。”　
I　stared　at　nothing；　seeing　nothing。　
“I　never　promised　to　fight　fair；”　he　reminded　me　quietly。　“And　he　deserves　to　know。”　
My　head　fell　into　my　hands。　
“Are　you　angry　with　me？”　he　asked。　
“Not　you；”　I　whispered。　“I’m　horrified　at　me。”　
“Don’t　torment　yourself；”　he　pleaded。　
“Yes；”　I　agreed　bitterly。　“I　should　save　my　energy　to　torment　Jacob　some　more。　I　wouldn’t　want　to　leave　
any　part　of　him　unharmed。”　
“He　knew　what　he　was　doing。”　
“Do　you　think　that　matters？”　I　was　blinking　back　tears；　and　this　was　easy　to　hear　in　my　voice。　“Do　you　
think　I　care　whether　it’s　fair　or　whether　he　was　adequately　warned？　I’m　hurting　him。　Every　time　I　turn　
around；　I’m　hurting　him　again。”　My　voice　was　getting　louder；　more　hysterical。　“I’m　a　hideous　person。”　
He　wrapped　his　arms　tightly　around　me。　“No；　you’re　not。”　
“I　am！　What’s　wrong　with　me？”　I　struggled　against　his　arms；　and　he　let　them　drop。　“I　have　to　go　find　him。”　
“Bella；　he’s　already　miles　away；　and　it’s　cold。”　
“I　don’t　care。　I　can’t　just　sit　here。”　I　shrugged　off　Jacob’s　parka；　shoved　my　feet　into　my　boots；　and　
crawled　stiffly　to　the　door；　my　legs　felt　numb。　“I　have　to　—　I　have　to　。　。　。”　I　didn’t　know　how　to　finishthe　
sentence；　didn’t　know　what　there　was　to　do；　but　I　unzipped　the　door　anyway；　and　climbed　out　into　the　bright；　
icy　morning。　
There　was　less　snow　than　I　would　have　thought　after　the　fury　of　last　night’s　storm。　Probably　it　had　blown　
away　rather　than　melted　in　the　sun　that　now　shone　low　in　the　southeast；　glancing　off　the　snow　that　lingered　and　
stabbing　at　my　unadjusted　eyes。　The　air　still　had　a　bite　to　it；　but　it　was　dead　calm　and　slowly　being　more　
seasonable　as　the　sun　rose　higher。　
Seth　Clearwater　was　curled　up　on　a　patch　of　dry　pine　needles　in　the　shadow　of　a　thick　spruce；　his　head　on　
his　paws。　His　sandcolored　fur　was　almost　invisible　against　the　dead　needles；　but　I　could　see　the　bright　snow　
reflect　off　his　open　eyes。　He　was　staring　at　me　with　what　I　imagined　was　an　accusation。　
I　knew　Edward　was　following　me　as　I　stumbled　toward　the　trees。　I　couldn’t　hear　him；　but　the　sun　reflected　
off　his　skin　in　glittering　rainbows　that　danced　ahead　of　me。　He　didn’t　reach　out　to　stop　me　until　I　was　several　
paces　into　the　forest　shadows。　
His　hand　caught　my　left　wrist。　He　ignored　it　when　I　tried　to　yank　myself　free。　
“You　can’t　go　after　him。　Not　today。　It’s　almost　time。　And　getting　yourself　lost　wouldn’t　help　anyone；　
regardless。”　
I　twisted　my　wrist；　pulling　uselessly。　
“I’m　sorry；　Bella；”　he　whispered。　“I’m　sorry　I　did　that。”　
“You　didn’t　do　anything。　It’s　my　fault。　I　did　this。　I　did　everything　wrong。　I　could　have　。　。　。　When　he　。　。　。　I　
shouldn’t　have　。　。　。　I　。　。　。　I　。　。　。”　I　was　sobbing。　
“Bella；　Bella。”　
His　arms　folded　around　me；　and　my　tears　soaked　into　his　shirt。　
“I　should　have　—　told　him　—　I　should　—　have　said　—”　What？　What　could　have　made　this　right？　“He　

shouldn’t　have　—　found　out　like　this。”　
“Do　you　want　me　to　see　if　I　can　bring　him　back；　so　that　you　can　talk　to　him？　There’s　still　a　little　time；”　
Edward　murmured；　hushed　agony　in　his　voice。　
I　nodded　into　his　chest；　afraid　to　see　his　face。　
“Stay　by　the　tent。　I’ll　be　back　soon。”　
His　arms　disappeared。　He　left　so　quickly　that；　in　the　second　it　took　me　to　look　up；　he　was　already　gone。　I　
was　alone。　
A　new　sob　broke　from　my　chest。　I　was　hurting　everyone　today。　Was　there　anything　I　touched　that　didn’t　
get　spoiled？　
I　didn’t　know　why　it　was　hitting　me　so　hard　now。　It　wasn’t　like　I　hadn’t　known　this　was　ing　all　along。　
But　Jacob　had　never　reacted　so　strongly　—　lost　his　bold　overconfidence　and　shown　the　intensity　of　his　pain。　
The　sound　of　his　agony　still　cut　at　me；　somewhere　deep　in　my　chest。　Right　beside　it　was　the　other　pain。　Pain　
for　feeling　pain　over　Jacob。　Pain　for　hurting　Edward；　too。　For　not　being　able　to　watch　Jacob　go　with　
posure；　knowing　that　it　was　the　right　thing；　the　only　way。　
I　was　selfish；　I　was　hurtful。　I　tortured　the　ones　I　loved。　
I　was　like　Cathy；　like　Wuthering　Heights；　only　my　options　were　so　much　better　than　hers；　neither　one　
evil；　neither　one　weak。　And　here　I　sat；　crying　about　it；　not　doing　anything　productive　to　make　it　right。　Just　like　
Cathy。　
I　couldn’t　allow　what　hurt　me　to　influence　my　decisions　anymore。　It　was　too　little；　much　too　late；　but　I　had　
to　do　what　was　right　now。　Maybe　it　was　already　done　for　me。　Maybe　Edward　would　not　be　able　to　bring　him　
back。　And　then　I　would　accept　that　and　get　on　with　my　life。　Edward　would　never　see　me　shed　another　tear　for　
Jacob　Black。　There　would　be　no　more　tears。　I　wiped　the　last　of　them　away　with　cold　fingers　now。　
But　if　Edward　did　return　with　Jacob；　that　was　it。　I　had　to　tell　him　to　go　away　and　never　e　back。　
Why　was　that　so　hard？　So　very　much　more　difficult　than　saying　goodbye　to　my　other　friends；　to　Angela；　to　
Mike？　Why　did　that　hurt？　It　wasn’t　right。　That　shouldn’t　be　able　to　hu