3 eclipse月食-第76部分

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way　is　always　wrong。　So。”　He　shifted　under　me；　squaring　his　shoulders。　“We’re　doing　it　your　way；　Bella。　
Tonight。　Today。　The　sooner　the　better。　I’ll　speak　to　Carlisle。　I　was　thinking　that　maybe　if　we　gave　you　enough　
morphine；　it　wouldn’t　be　so　bad。　It’s　worth　a　try。”　He　gritted　his　teeth。　
“Edward；　no　—”　
He　put　his　finger　to　my　lips。　“Don’t　worry；　Bella；　love。　I　haven’t　forgotten　the　rest　of　your　demands。”　
His　hands　were　in　my　hair；　his　lips　moving　softly　—　but　very　seriously　—　against　mine；　before　I　realized　
what　he　was　saying。　What　he　was　doing。　
There　wasn’t　much　time　to　act。　If　I　waited　too　long；　I　wouldn’t　be　able　to　remember　why　I　needed　to　stop　
him。　Already；　I　couldn’t　breathe　right。　My　hands　were　gripping　his　arms；　pulling　myself　tighter　to　him；　my　
mouth　glued　to　his　and　answering　every　unspoken　question　his　asked。　
I　tried　to　clear　my　head；　to　find　a　way　to　speak。　
He　rolled　gently；　pressing　me　into　the　cool　grass。　
Oh；　never　mind！　my　less　noble　side　exulted。　My　head　was　full　of　the　sweetness　of　his　breath。　
No；　no；　no；　I　argued　with　myself。　I　shook　my　head；　and　his　mouth　moved　to　my　neck；　giving　me　a　chance　
to　breathe。　
“Stop；　Edward。　Wait。”　My　voice　was　as　weak　as　my　will。　
“Why？”　he　whispered　into　the　hollow　of　my　throat。　
I　labored　to　put　some　resolve　into　my　tone。　“I　don’t　want　to　do　this　now。”　
“Don’t　you？”　he　asked；　a　smile　in　his　voice。　He　moved　his　lips　back　to　mine　and　made　speaking　
impossible。　Heat　coursed　through　my　veins；　burning　where　my　skin　touched　his。　
I　made　myself　focus。　It　took　a　great　deal　of　effort　just　to　force　my　hands　to　free　themselves　from　his　hair；　
to　move　them　to　his　chest。　But　I　did　it。　And　then　I　shoved　against　him；　trying　to　push　him　away。　I　could　not　
succeed　alone；　but　he　responded　as　I　knew　he　would。　

He　pulled　back　a　few　inches　to　look　at　me；　and　his　eyes　did　nothing　to　help　my　resolve。　They　were　black　
fire。　They　smoldered。　
“Why？”　he　asked　again；　his　voice　low　and　rough。　“I　love　you。　I　want　you。　Right　now。”　
The　butterflies　in　my　stomach　flooded　my　throat。　He　took　advantage　of　my　speechlessness。　
“Wait；　wait；”　I　tried　to　say　around　his　lips。　
“Not　for　me；”　he　murmured　in　disagreement。　
“Please？”　I　gasped。　
He　groaned；　and　pushed　himself　away　from　me；　rolling　onto　his　back　again。　
We　both　lay　there　for　a　minute；　trying　to　slow　our　breathing。　
“Tell　me　why　not；　Bella；”　he　demanded。　“This　had　better　not　be　about　me。”　
Everything　in　my　world　was　about　him。　What　a　silly　thing　to　expect。　
“Edward；　this　is　very　important　to　me。　I　am　going　to　do　this　right。”　
“Who’s　definition　of　right？”　
“Mine。”　
He　rolled　onto　his　elbow　and　stared　at　me；　his　expression　disapproving。　
“How　are　you　going　to　do　this　right？”　
I　took　a　deep　breath。　“Responsibly。　Everything　in　the　right　order。　I　will　not　leave　Charlie　and　Renée　
without　the　best　resolution　I　can　give　them。　I　won’t　deny　Alice　her　fun；　if　I’m　having　a　wedding　anyway。　And　I　
will　tie　myself　to　you　in　every　human　way；　before　I　ask　you　to　make　me　immortal。　I’m　following　all　the　rules；　
Edward。　Your　soul　is　far；　far　too　important　to　me　to　take　chances　with。　You’re　not　going　to　budge　me　on　
this。”　
“I’ll　bet　I　could；”　he　murmured；　his　eyes　burning　again。　
“But　you　wouldn’t；”　I　said；　trying　to　keep　my　voice　level。　“Not　knowing　that　this　is　what　I　really　need。”　
“You　don’t　fight　fair；”　he　accused。　
I　grinned　at　him。　“Never　said　I　did。”　
He　smiled　back；　wistful。　“If　you　change　your　mind　。　。　。”　
“You’ll　be　the　first　to　know；”　I　promised。　
The　rain　started　to　drip　through　the　clouds　just　then；　a　few　scattered　drops　that　made　faint　thuds　as　they　
struck　the　grass。　
I　glowered　at　the　sky。　
“I’ll　get　you　home。”　He　brushed　the　tiny　beads　of　water　from　my　cheeks。　
“Rain’s　not　the　problem；”　I　grumbled。　“It　just　means　that　it’s　time　to　go　do　something　that　will　be　very　
unpleasant　and　possibly　even　highly　dangerous。”　
His　eyes　widened　in　alarm。　
“It’s　a　good　thing　you’re　bulletproof。”　I　sighed。　“I’m　going　to　need　that　ring。　It’s　time　to　tell　Charlie。”　
He　laughed　at　the　expression　on　my　face。　“Highly　dangerous；”　he　agreed。　He　laughed　again　and　then　
reached　into　the　pocket　of　his　jeans。　“But　as　least　there’s　no　need　for　a　side　trip。”　
He　once　again　slid　my　ring　into　place　on　the　third　finger　of　my　left　hand。　
Where　it　would　stay　—　conceivably　for　the　rest　of　eternity。　

　　　EPILOGUE　—　CHOICE　

JACOBBLACK　

“Jacob；　do　you　think　this　is　going　to　take　too　much　longer？”　Leah　demanded。　Impatient。　Whiney。　
My　teeth　clenched　together。　
Like　anyone　in　the　pack；　Leah　knew　everything。　She　knew　why　I　came　here　—　to　the　very　edge　of　the　
earth　and　sky　and　sea。　To　be　alone。　She　knew　that　this　was　all　I　wanted。　Just　to　be　alone。　
But　Leah　was　going　to　force　her　pany　on　me；　anyway。　
Besides　being　crazy　annoyed；　I　did　feel　smug　for　a　brief　second。　Because　I　didn’t　even　have　to　think　about　
controlling　my　temper。　It　was　easy　now；　something　I　just　did；　natural。　The　red　haze　didn’t　wash　over　my　eyes。　
The　heat　didn’t　shiver　down　my　spine。　My　voice　was　calm　when　I　answered。　
“Jump　off　a　cliff；　Leah。”　I　pointed　to　the　one　at　my　feet。　
“Really；　kid。”　She　ignored　me；　throwing　herself　into　a　sprawl　on　the　ground　next　to　me。　“You　have　no　idea　
how　hard　this　is　for　me。”　
“For　you？”　It　took　me　a　minute　to　believe　she　was　serious。　“You　have　to　be　the　most　selfabsorbed　
person　alive；　Leah。　I’d　hate　to　shatter　the　dream　world　you　livein　—　the　one　where　the　sun　is　orbiting　the　
place　where　you　stand　—　so　I　won’t　tell　you　how　little　I　care　what　your　problem　is。　Go。　Away。”　
“Just　look　at　this　from　my　perspective　for　a　minute；　okay？”　she　continued　as　if　I　hadn’t　said　anything。　
If　she　was　trying　to　break　my　mood；　it　worked。　I　started　laughing。　The　sound　hurt　in　strange　ways。　
“Stop　snorting　and　pay　attention；”　she　snapped。　
“If　I　pretend　to　listen；　will　you　leave？”　I　asked；　glancing　over　at　the　permanent　scowl　on　her　face。　I　wasn’t　
sure　if　she　had　any　other　expressions　anymore。　
I　remembered　back　to　when　I　used　to　think　that　Leah　was　pretty；　maybe　even　beautiful。　That　was　a　long　
time　ago。　No　one　thought　of　her　that　way　now。　Except　for　Sam。　He　was　never　going　to　forgive　himself。　Like　it　
was　his　fault　that　she’d　turned　into　this　bitter　harpy。　
Her　scowl　heated　up；　as　if　she　could　guess　what　I　was　thinking。　Probably　could。　
“This　is　making　me　sick；　Jacob。　Can　you　imagine　what　this　feels　like　to　me？　I　don’t　even　like　Bella　Swan。　
And　you’ve　got　me　grieving　over　this　leechlover　like　I’m　in　love　with　her；　too。　Can　you　see　where　that　might　
be　a　little　confusing？　I　dreamed　about　kissing　her　last　night！　What　the　hell　am　I　supposed　to　do　with　that？”　
“Do　I　care？”　
“I　can’t　stand　being　in　your　head　anymore！　Get　over　her　already！　She’s　going　to　marry　that　thing。　He’s　
going　to　try　to　change　her　into　one　of　them！　Time　to　move　on；　boy。”　
“Shut　up；”　I　growled。　
It　would　be　wrong　to　strike　back。　I　knew　that。　I　was　biting　my　tongue。　But　she’d　be　sorry　if　she　didn’t　
walk　away。　Now。　
“He’ll　probably　just　kill　her　anyway；”　Leah　said。　Sneering。　“All　the　stories　say　that　happens　more　often　
than　not。　Maybe　a　funeral　will　be　better　closure　than　a　wedding。　Ha。”　
This　time　I　had　to　work。　I　closed　my　eyes　and　fought　the　hot　taste　in　my　mouth。　I　pushed　and　shoved　
against　the　slide　of　fire　down　my　back；　wrestling　to　keep　my　shape　together　while　my　body　tried　to　shake　
apart。　
When　I　was　in　control　again；　I　glowered　at　her。　She　was　watching　my　hands　as　the　tremors　slowed。　
Smiling。　
Some　joke。　
“If　you’re　upset　about　gender　confusion；　Leah　。　。　。　；”　I　said。　Slow；　emphasizing　each　word。　“How　do　you　
think　the　rest　of　us　like　looking　at　Sam　through　your　eyes？　It’s　bad　enough　that　Emily　has　to　deal　with　your　
fixation。　She　doesn’t　need　us　guys　panting　after　him；　too。”　
Pissed　as　I　was；　I　still　felt　guilty　when　I　watched　the　spasm　of　pain　shoot　across　her　face。　
She　scrambled　to　her　feet　—　pausing　only　to　spit　in　my　direction　—　and　ran　for　the　trees；　vibrating　like　a　
tuning　fork。　

I　laughed　darkly。　“You　missed。”　
Sam　was　going　to　give　me　hell　for　that；　but　it　was　worth　it。　Leah　wouldn’t　bug　me　anymore。　And　I’d　do　it　
again　if　I　had　the　chance。　
Because　her　words　were　still　there；　scratching　themselves　into　my　brain；　the　pain　of　it　so　strong　that　I　
could　hardly　breathe。　
It　didn’t　matter　so　much　that　Bella’d　chosen　someone　else　over　me。　That　agony　was　nothing　at　all。　That　
agony　I　could　live　with　for　the　rest　of　my　stupid；　too　long；　stretchedout　life。　
But　it　did　matter　that　she　was　giving　up　everything　—　that　she　was　letting　her　heart　stop　and　her　skin　ice　
over　and　her　mind　twist　into　some　crystallized　predator’s　head。　A　monster。　A　stranger。　
I　would　have　thought　there　was　nothing　worse　than　that；　nothing　more　painful　in　the　whole　world。　
But；　if　he　killed　her　。　。　。　
Again；　I　had　to　fight　the　rage。　Maybe；　if　not　for　Leah；　it　would　be　good　to　let　the　heat　change　me　into　a　
creature　who　could　deal　with　it　better。　A　creature　with　instincts　so　much　stronger　than　human　emotions。　An　
animal　who　couldn’t　feel　pain　in　the　same　way。　A　different　pain。　Some　variety；　at　least。　But　Leah　was　running　
now；　and　I　didn’t　want　to　share　her　thoughts。　I　cussed　her　under　my　breath　for　taking　away　that　escape；　too。　
My　hands　were　shaking　in　spite　of　me。　What　shook　them？　Anger？　Agony？　I　wasn’t　sure　what　I　was　
fightingnow。　
I　had　to　believe　that　Bella　would　survive。　But　that　required　trust　—　a　trust　I　didn’t　want　to　feel；　a　trust　in　
that　bloodsucker’s　ability　to　keep　her　alive。　
She　would　be　different；　and　I　wondered　how　that　would　affect　me。　Would　it　be　the　same　as　if　she　had　
died；　to　see　her　standing　there　like　a　stone？　Like　ice？　When　her　scent　burned　in　my　nostrils　and　triggered　the　
instinct　to　rip；　to　tear　。　。　。　How　would　that　be？　Could　I　want　to　kill　her？　Could　I　not　want　to　kill　one　of　them？　
I　watched　the　swells　roll　toward　the　beach。　They　disappeared　from　sight　under　the　edge　of　the　cliff；　but　I　
heard　them　beat　against　the　sand。　I　watched　them　until　it　was　late；　long　after　dark。　
Going　home　was　probably　a　bad　idea。　But　I　was　hungry；　and　I　couldn’t　think　of　another　plan。　
I　made　a　face　as　I　pulled　my　arm　through　the　retarded　sling　and　grabbed　my　crutches。　If　only　Charlie　
hadn’t　seen　me　that　day　and　spread　the　word　of　my　“motorcycle　accident。”　Stupid　props。　I　hated　them。　
Going　hungry　started　to　look　better　when　I　walked　in　the　house　and　got　a　look　at　my　dad’s　face。　He　had　
something　on　his　mind。　It　was　easy　to　tell　—　he　always　overdid　it。　Acted　all　casual。　
He　also　talked　too　much。　He　was　rambling　about　his　day　before　I　could　get　to　the　table。　He　never　
jabbered　like　this　unless　there　was　something　that　he　didn’t　want　to　say。　I　ignored　him　as　best　I　could；　
concentrating　on　the　food。　The　faster　I　choked　it　down　。　。　。　
“。　。　。　and　Sue　stopped　by　today。”　My　dad’s　voice　was　loud。　Hard　to　ignore。　As　always。　“Amazing　
woman。　She’s　tougher　than　grizzlies；　that　one。　I　don’t　know　how　she　deals　with　that　daughter　of　hers；　though。　
Now　Sue；　she　would　have　made　one　hell　of　a　wolf。　Leah’s　more　of　a　wolverine。”　He　chu