4 breaking dawn破晓-第9部分

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eyes　were　tight　around　the　edges—careful；　I　could　see　that　he　was　being　very　careful　tonight。　He　was　
doing　all　he　could　to　make　me　happy；　to　not　slip　and　show　how　much　this　cost　him。　

I'd　never　done　anything　good　enough　to　deserve　a　friend　like　Jacob。　

〃When　did　you　decide　to　e　back？〃　

〃Consciously　or　subconsciously？〃　He　took　a　deep　breath　before　he　answered　his　own　question。　〃I　don't　
really　know。　I　guess　I've　been　wandering　back　this　direction　for　a　while；　and　maybe　it's　because　I　was　
headed　here。　But　it　wasn't　until　this　morning　that　I　really　started　running。　I　didn't　know　if　I　could　make　
it。〃　He　laughed。　〃You　wouldn't　believe　how　weird　this　feels—walking　around　on　two　legs　again。　And　
clothes！　And　then　it's　more　bizarre　because　it　feels　weird。　I　didn't　expect　that。　I'm　out　of　practice　with　the　
whole　human　thing。〃　

We　revolved　steadily。　

〃It　would　have　been　a　shame　to　miss　seeing　you　like　this；　though。　That's　worth　the　trip　right　there。　You　



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look　unbelievable；　Bella。　So　beautiful。〃　

〃Alice　invested　a　lot　of　time　in　me　today。　The　dark　helps；　too。〃　

〃It's　not　so　dark　for　me；　you　know。〃　

〃Right。〃　Werewolf　senses。　It　was　easy　to　forget　all　the　things　he　could　do；　he　seemed　so　human。　
Especially　right　now。　

〃You　cut　your　hair；〃　I　noted。　

〃Yeah。　Easier；　you　know。　Thought　I'd　better　take　advantage　of　the　hands。〃　

〃It　looks　good；〃　I　lied。　

He　snorted。　〃Right。　I　did　it　myself；　with　rusty　kitchen　shears。〃　He　grinned　widely　for　a　moment；　and　then　
his　smile　faded。　His　expression　turned　serious。　〃Are　you　happy；　Bella？〃　

〃Yes。〃　

〃Okay。〃　I　felt　his　shoulders　shrug。　〃That's　the　main　thing；　I　guess。〃　

〃How　are　you；　Jacob？　Really？〃　

〃I'm　fine；　Bella；　really。　You　don't　need　to　worry　about　me　anymore。　You　can　stop　bugging　Seth。〃　

〃I'm　not　just　bugging　him　because　of　you。　I　like　Seth。〃　

〃He's　a　good　kid。　Better　pany　than　some。　I　tell　you；　if　I　could　get　rid　of　the　voices　in　my　head；　being　
a　wolf　would　be　about　perfect。〃　

I　laughed　at　the　way　it　sounded。　〃Yeah；　I　can't　get　mine　to　shut　up；　either。〃　

〃In　your　case；　that　would　mean　you're　insane。　Of　course；　I　already　knew　that　you　were　insane；〃　he　
teased。　

〃Thanks。〃　

〃Insanity　is　probably　easier　than　sharing　a　pack　mind。　Crazy　people's　voices　don't　send　babysitters　to　
watch　them。〃　

〃Huh？〃　

〃Sam's　out　there。　And　some　of　the　others。　Just　in　case；　you　know。〃　

〃In　case　of　what？〃　

〃In　case　I　can't　keep　it　together；　something　like　that。　In　case　I　decide　to　trash　the　party。〃　He　flashed　a　
quick　

smile　at　what　was　probably　an　appealing　thought　to　him。　〃But　I'm　not　here　to　ruin　your　wedding；　Bella。　



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I'm　here　to　。。　。〃　He　trailed　off。　

〃To　make　it　perfect。〃　

〃That's　a　tall　order。〃　

〃Good　thing　you're　so　tall。〃　

He　groaned　at　my　bad　joke　and　then　sighed。　〃I'm　just　here　to　be　your　friend。　Your　best　friend；　one　last　
time。〃　

〃Sam　should　give　you　more　credit。〃　

〃Well；　maybe　I'm　being　oversensitive。　Maybe　they'd　be　here　anyway；　to　keep　an　eye　on　Seth。　There　are　
a　lot　of　vampires　here。　Seth　doesn't　take　that　as　seriously　as　he　should。〃　

〃Seth　knows　that　he's　not　in　any　danger。　He　understands　the　Cullens　better　than　Sam　does。〃　

〃Sure；　sure；〃　Jacob　said；　making　peace　before　it　could　turn　into　a　fight。　

It　was　strange　to　have　him　being　the　diplomat。　

〃Sorry　about　those　voices；〃　I　said。　〃Wish　I　could　make　it　better。〃　In　so　many　ways。　

〃It's　not　that　bad。　I'm　just　whining　a　little。〃　

〃You're。。。　happy？〃　

〃Close　enough。　But　enough　about　me。　You're　the　star　today。〃　He　chuckled。　〃I　bet　you're　just　loving　
that。　Center　of　attention。〃　

〃Yeah。　Can't　get　enough　attention。〃　

He　laughed　and　then　stared　over　my　head。　With　pursed　lips；　he　studied　the　shimmering　glow　of　the　
reception　party；　the　graceful　whirl　of　the　dancers；　the　fluttering　petals　falling　from　the　garlands；　I　looked　
with　him。　It　all　seemed　very　distant　from　this　black；　quiet　space。　Almost　like　watching　the　white　flurries　
swirling　inside　a　snow　globe。　

〃I'll　give　them　this　much；〃　he　said。　〃They　know　how　to　throw　a　party。〃　

〃Alice　is　an　unstoppable　force　of　nature。〃　

He　sighed。　〃Song's　over。　Do　you　think　1　get　another　one？　Or　is　that　asking　too　much？〃　

I　tightened　my　hand　around　his。　〃You　can　have　as　many　dances　as　you　want。〃　

He　laughed。　〃That　would　be　interesting。　I　think　I'd　better　stick　with　two；　though。　Don't　want　to　start　
talk。〃　

We　turned　in　another　circle。　




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〃You'd　think　I'd　be　used　to　telling　you　goodbye　by　now；〃　he　murmured。　

I　tried　to　swallow　the　lump　in　my　throat；　but　I　couldn't　force　it　down。　

Jacob　looked　at　me　and　frowned。　He　wiped　his　fingers　across　my　cheek；　catching　the　tears　there。　

〃You're　not　supposed　to　be　the　one　crying；　Bella。〃　

〃Everyone　cries　at　weddings；〃　I　said　thickly。　

〃This　is　what　you　want；　right？〃　

〃Right。〃　

〃Then　smile。〃　

I　tried。　He　laughed　at　my　grimace。　

Tm　going　to　try　to　remember　you　like　this。　Pretend　that。。。〃　

〃That　what？That　I　died？〃　

He　clenched　his　teeth。　He　was　struggling　with　himself—with　his　decision　to　make　his　presence　here　a　gift　
and　not　a　judgment。　I　could　guess　what　he　wanted　to　say。　

〃No；〃　he　finally　answered。　〃But　I'll　see　you　this　way　in　my　head。　Pink　cheeks。　Heartbeat。　Two　left　feet。　
All　of　that。〃　

I　deliberately　stomped　on　his　foot　as　hard　as　I　could。　

He　smiled。　〃That's　my　girl。〃　

He　started　to　say　something　else　and　then　snapped　his　mouth　closed。　Struggling　again；　teeth　gritted　
against　the　words　he　didn't　want　to　say。　

My　relationship　with　Jacob　used　to　be　so　easy。　Natural　as　breathing。　But　since　Edward　had　e　back　
into　my　life；　it　was　a　constant　strain。　Because—in　Jacob's　eyes—by　choosing　Edward；　I　was　choosing　a　
fate　that　was　worse　than　death；　or　at　least　equivalent　to　it。　

〃What　is　it；　Jake？　Just　tell　me。　You　can　tell　me　anything。〃　

〃I—I。。。　I　don't　have　anything　to　tell　you。〃　

〃Oh　please。　Spit　it　out。〃　

〃It's　true。It's　not。。。　it's—it's　a　question。　It's　something　I　want　you　to　tell　me〃　

〃Ask　me。〃　

He　struggled　for　another　minute　and　then　exhaled。　〃I　shouldn't。　It　doesn't　matter。　I'm　just　morbidly　
curious。〃　



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Because　I　knew　him　so　well；　I　understood。　

〃It's　not　tonight；　Jacob；〃　I　whispered。　

Jacob　was　even　more　obsessed　with　my　humanity　than　Edward。　He　treasured　every　one　of　my　
heartbeats；　knowing　that　they　were　numbered。　

〃Oh；〃　he　said；　trying　to　smother　his　relief。　〃Oh。〃　

A　new　song　started　playing；　but　he　didn't　notice　the　change　this　time。　

〃When？〃　he　whispered。　

〃I　don't　know　for　sure。　A　week　or　two；　maybe。〃　

His　voice　changed；　took　on　a　defensive；　mocking　edge。　〃What's　the　holdup？〃　

〃I　just　didn't　want　to　spend　my　honeymoon　writhing　in　pain。〃　

〃You'd　rather　spend　it　how？　Playing　checkers？　Ha　ha。〃　

〃Very　funny。〃　

〃Kidding；　Bells。　But；　honestly；　I　don't　see　the　point。　You　can't　have　a　real　honeymoon　with　your　
vampire；　so　why　go　through　the　motions？　Call　a　spade　a　spade。　This　isn't　the　first　time　you've　put　this　off。　
That's　a　good　thing；　though；〃　he　said；　suddenly　earnest。　〃Don't　be　embarrassed　about　it。〃　

〃I'm　not　putting　anything　off；〃　I　snapped。　〃And　yes　I　can　have　a　real　honeymoon！　I　can　do　anything　I　
want！　Butt　out！〃　

He　stopped　our　slow　circling　abruptly。　For　a　moment；　I　wondered　if　he'd　finally　noticed　the　music　
change；　and　I　scrambled　in　my　head　for　a　way　to　patch　up　our　little　tiff　before　he　said　goodbye　to　me。　
We　shouldn't　part　on　this　note。　

And　then　his　eyes　bulged　wide　with　a　strange　kind　of　confused　horror。　

〃What？〃　he　gasped。　〃What　did　you　say？〃　

〃About　what。。。　？　Jake？　What's　wrong？〃　

〃What　do　you　mean？　Have　a　real　honeymoon？　While　you're　still　human？　Are　you　kidding？　That's　a　sick　
joke；　Bella！〃　

I　glared　at　him。　〃I　said　butt　out；　Jake。　This　is　so　not　your　business。　I　shouldn't　have。。。　we　shouldn't　even　
be　talking　about　this。　It's　private—〃　

His　enormous　hands　gripped　the　tops　of　my　arms；　wrapping　all　the　way　around；　fingers　overlapping。　

〃Ow；　Jake！　Let　go！〃　




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He　shook　me。　

〃Bella！　Have　you　lost　your　mind？　You　can't　be　that　stupid！　Tell　me　you're　joking！〃　

He　shook　me　again。　His　hands；　tight　as　tourniquets；　were　quivering；　sending　vibrations　deep　into　my　
bones。　

〃Jake—stop！〃　

The　darkness　was　suddenly　very　crowded。　

〃Take　your　hands　off　her！〃　Edward's　voice　was　cold　as　ice；　sharp　as　razors。　

Behind　Jacob；　there　was　a　low　snarl　from　the　black　night；　and　then　another；　overlapping　the　first。　

〃Jake；　bro；　back　away；〃　I　heard　Seth　Clearwater　urge。　〃You're　losing　it。〃　

Jacob　seemed　frozen　as　he　was；　his　horrified　eyes　wide　and　staring。　

〃You'll　hurt　her；〃　Seth　whispered。　〃Let　her　go。〃　

〃Now！〃　Edward　snarled。　

Jacob's　hands　dropped　to　his　sides；　and　the　sudden　gush　of　blood　through　my　waiting　veins　was　almost　
painful。　Before　I　could　register　more　than　that；　cold　hands　replaced　the　hot　ones；　and　the　air　was　
suddenly　whooshing　past　me。　

I　blinked；　and　I　was　on　my　feet　a　half　dozen　feet　away　from　where　I'd　been　standing。　Edward　was　
tensed　in　front　of　me。　There　were　two　enormous　wolves　braced　between　him　and　Jacob；　but　they　did　not　
seem　aggressive　to　me。　More　like　they　were　trying　to　prevent　the　fight。　

And　Seth—gangly；　fifteenyearold　Seth—had　his　long　arms　around　Jacob's　shaking　body；　and　he　was　
tugging　him　away。　If　Jacob　phased　with　Seth　so　close。。。　

〃C'mon；　Jake。　Let's　go。〃　

〃I'll　kill　you；〃　Jacob　said；　his　voice　so　choked　with　rage　that　it　was　low　as　a　whisper。　His　eyes；　focused　
on　

Edward；　burned　with　fury。　〃I'll　kill　you　myself！　I'll　do　it　now！〃　He　shuddered　convulsively。　

The　biggest　wolf；　the　black　one；　growled　sharply。　

〃Seth；　get　out　of　the　way；〃　Edward　hissed。　

Seth　tugged　on　Jacob　again。　Jacob　was　so　bewildered　with　rage　that　Seth　was　able　to　yank　him　a　few　
feet　farther　back。　〃Don't　do　it；　Jake。　Walk　away。　C'mon。〃　

Sam—the　bigger　wolf；　the　black　one—joined　Seth　then。　He　put　his　massive　head　against　Jacob's　chest　
and　shoved。　




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The　three　of　them—Seth　towing；　Jake　trembling；　Sam　pushing—disappeared　swiftly　into　the　darkness。　

The　other　wolf　stared　after　them。　I　wasn't　sure；　in　the　weak　light；　about　the　color　of　his　fur—chocolate　
brown；　maybe？　Was　it　Quil；　then？　

Tm　sorry；〃　I　whispered　to　the　wolf。　

〃It'sall　right　now；Bella；〃　Edward　murmured。　

The　wolf　looked　at　Edward。　His　gaze　was　not　friendly。　Edward　gave　him　one　cold　nod。The　wolf　huffed　
and　then　turned　to　follow　the　others；　vanishing　as　they　had。　

〃All　right；〃　Edward　said　to　himself；　and　then　he　looked　at　me。　〃Let's　get　back。〃　

〃But　Jake—〃　

〃Sam　has　him　in　hand。　He's　gone。〃　

〃Edward；　I'm　so　sorry。　Iwas　stupid—〃　

〃You　did　nothing　wrong—〃